anyone else but me

Sometimes I wish I was somebody else . Bet u heard this line a bazillion times already but hey, hate to admit it but it's the truth seriously . Nobody, I mean nobody is ever satisfied with what they already have this is why we are called humans. I admit I may have the things that I already need and that is all there is to it . Oh god, of course I want what other people have but that's just life . You cant have everything . But from my point of view , there are a few people who gets everything they want , a life where they can wake up an smile to but yet they still complain. Complaining , wow that's another issue . All we ever do is complain and complain and nag about things . How I wish the things were just so easy and we could all just see the positive side of it. I envy the people who could actually manage to do that . I'm a pessimist that's for sure. Ever get the feeling you were born to make a change? I once thought why am I living in this world if all i do is complain and nag and be selfish and irresponsible? I want to make a change , I want to be different , I wanna be someone who can actually be somebody in life . But i just dont think i will ever be that person . I may be different in my own world but to others I am just a normal 16 year old girl . What i go through life may be normal and typical and cliche to others but to me it's hard . But nevertheless, I am thankful to god that I am still here . I promise to be better someday . One thing about me is that I just cant seem to be able to make a certain decision without being overly paranoid about what the consequences are . God myra, we all hate consequences but that's just it . Mhmm i really hate how I just cant seem to decide on certain things oh wait, not certain things about everything . It's funny how i actually realise these flaws of mine but it is also funny how i'm not doing anything to change . I tend to be ignorant and selfish and at times I usually am sarcastic and oh my I curse a lot. I guess I treat people like how they treat me . Sometimes I'm just a total bitch and I can be really mean but other times I can always be there for you, you can surely count on me. It's funny how words in songs can reflect your life tremendously . This is why I enjoy just lying down on the floor listening to meaningful words rather than listen to people constantly scolding me for no good reasons. Parents? Yes, that is another issue. Ever wondered how they reflect your personalities too? uhum well go figure. So yeah, I've decided to write this down just cause I figured that I dont really do this you know, like just sit down and talk to myself and interpret it in here . I get pissed off with myself most of the time. I'm generally an easily pissed off person, I have a bad temper and i can just scream at you whenever I feel like it. Yes, indeed I am weird. I am not as pretty as my friends are, I don't have all the nice clothes or shoes in the world , I don't go and eat at 5 star hotels or expensive places , I don't shop at expensive stores which I don't seem to really mind tho unless im happy thats all there is to it. Nevertheless, I can't write nor draw well . I can't sing nor dance well . I think that what i do in life is just average and I don't want that . It's not that I don't try its just that I just am not good in anything that I do which frankly, really pisses me off. I am not the smartest girl in school and i really wanna try to be well someday . I am not the most athlethic person in school either. I am just plain normal . I blend in with the surroundings . I don't create a scene . I tend to be typical but sometimes I do try to be a little more daring once in a while . Lately, I really dont feel like myself. Oh wait , cause I really don't know who am I really , I cant seem to find one word , just one word to describe myself . I guess I would say I am difficult? I don't know , just don't know.