All fall down

Dammmiit, It's fucking almost 3a.m and I'm still up doing nothing. Absolutely nothing. I am bored and I am not sleepy at all. I just finished Gossip Girl episode 5 and now I am jobless. I should be studying but brain wont function anyhow. Sudden mixed emotions. Sudden stress. Sudden hunger. What the fucking hell is wrong with me? So blogger, since you're my one and only true best friend I'm sure you can help me out right? Right? Shit I have nothing to do and I'm fucking hungry but no effing way am I going to stuff myself with goddamn cookies at this time of hour. Fat equals to huge thighs which eventually equals to super damn tight jeans which I wont be able to fit in to. Honestly, I miss school. Studying? No. Just gossiping with friends. It releases all the tense. I've just come to realise that my life revolves around school holidays. Other than that, I am a total anti-social. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing just felt like typing it out altho I may have told you that in my previous posts. I am in need of money. Well actually I do have some cash with me and I really do want to spend it but I'm just scared and I just think that saving would be a better idea but I really have to start and pamper myself more often. I am too laid back. It's time to spice things up a little. Add a little salt and pepper and maybe some spices here and there. Secretly, I am a very paranoid person. Bet you figured that already huh? I am also very self concious. I think I have too many secrets under my belt. But then, there are called secrets for a reason. Honestly, I still am in a quest of discovering where I stand in this world. I do believe I am a mixture of the elements water and wind. Don't really think it's very precise sort of just a quick glance of it. I tend to be a pessimist about everything. I have low self esteem and this is one of my biggest flaw which I have to terminate . I am always unsure and I also tend to be fickel minded. This flaws just have to stop! I guess I'm not trying hard enough to push them away. Okay, enough about the stupid idiotic talking and judging myself thing. What else is there in my brain at this time around? You know what I really want right now? I would love a superb kick ass smart brain, a gorgeous to die for face, all the money in the world, happiness that will never fade. Too cliche? Obviously. But hey, you've got to admit it. It is true. Sure it's impossible but it's not wrong to dream. I discovered a lot of unspoken truths throughout my 16 years of living. Very shocking tho. Might as well embrace every inch of it. What's life without dramas anyway? How about regrets? Wow, where do I start. I have a very long list . As far as I'm concerned for now, let bygones be bygones ey? Alright, after typing a bunch of crap here and there I am still not asleep. My eyes are still wide open. I wonder why tho. I have been sleeping late lately. God knows how it will be once I start school again. Good god! Help. My mind is blank. I've been listening to the same song over and over again. All fall down by One republic and also Crush by David A. Now im just playing with my hair. Okayy, I know. I shall just type out what exactly am I doing. What a bore? Well boo you. Oh someone commented on my Raya photos and said that my face looks like Juliana Evans? Hah funny. I aint that prettyy but sure I'll take that as a compliment. Okay so now Im back here doing absolutely nothing again. Seriously dude, I am seriously just staring at the pc. Wtf is wrong with me dude? I think I have major issues. Oh this is random. Suddenly I thought , what would it be like if I had a twin sister? or twin brother? Woah, I'm sure it'll be awesome! Finally, a close not so big difference in age sibling to talk to. Mhm, guess that'll never happen. I wonder how my relationship with my daughter or son would be like. I'm thinking of having approximately 2 kids max. With all this hectic ever changing, ever money demanding world, one would be a hand full already don't you think? Hopefully I would have enough money to support my family later on. It's really depressing to think about growing up. I really am enjoying my teenage life tho. Sure will miss it. Well of course growing up is not an option. It's not in our hands either. Okay, I have nothing more to say. I am fucking hungry and super bored. I shall go drink water until I feel full and bloated and maybe by then I can doze off to sleep. Wish me luck?

xoxo,M