whenever we finish

I wrote this down on vox but you know what I'll just post it here as well.

What is there in my little heart this time around eh?
Yeah, you guessed it. Who else is there when you watch a sweet movie and the only person you wish could be there with you is right? Man, why do guys keep on doing this to me? My heart is not a toy okay. Don't I make myself clear about that already? Apparently not. I don't get it. It's like as if I'm just a pit stop where they can take a break and chill for a while and then just like that poof, gone baby gone. No goodbyes, no nothing. Just like a turning point, they never come back. What is this? I can't take it anymore. This sucks, really. The worst thing about it is that I eventually fell for you dammit. I didn't know what to expect till I actually felt the little tingle in my stomach everytime you text. Or everytime you called. Those 3 a.m phone calls that I always get. The insomnia I kept having all because of you but it didn't seem to bother me at all as long as I could talk to you. Everything was a smooth ride, but then again maybe it was just me. It has always been like that as always right. Why didn't I see this coming too? Haven't you learn anything from what you've gone through myraa? I have, I have. But this, I was too overwhelmed, too happy and too into the whole situation that I got carried away again. Mann, I miss all those things he used to do on the phone. Yes, I know it has not been entirely long ago but when it has become a routine to you, you are dumbstruck that why did it suddenly stop? We've only met like three times dammnit. First time was always the best tho. Second time was even better. Third was okay but after that it made me realise a few stuffs here and there. I knew something was wrong somewhere when everything started to stop. I just felt something fishy already and there I thought it was all because of his big big major exam. Stupid fool ey myraa? Mhmm. I dont know if it's entirely true or not but when I found out a certain something about it, it literally gave me goosebumps and I had a huge feeling that what was going through in mind that time was fucking true. It was like a fucking stab in the heart I tell you. Ouch, dude. Just ouch. Judging on how things are its just so dull between us, it all makes perfect sense now. Guess my first instincts were true after all. He found a new insomnia friend I guess so now he's just throwing me away somewhere far far away without even noticing. Smart move mister! I'm sick and tired of this type of guys who keep on treating me like crap and I don't know why I just let them walk all over me like this? Wake up myraa, wake up. I'll try my best to move on tho. I know it's gonna be hard. This is the best feeling I've had so far and I'm not just saying this because I think he's cute and tall and has all the boyfriend materials that I would want my boyfriend to be like , all that is of course a plus but he's personality as a whole really made me liked him even more. And know it's time to change, again. Sick suckish routine. Dammitt. I'm done. Just done. I'm really sad, really bummed. And pissed too. Oh well, I guess that's just my fate and I can't do anything about it ey.